Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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