Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
