He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
