on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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