dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
