god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
