Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
