She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so let's talk penis.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
