Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
