I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
how drunk are you?
Several
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
