So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
