What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
