..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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