dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
