you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
