Just cropdusted the office
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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