I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
