Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
