i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
