I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
