i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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