I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize