is your mom at the bar?
I wanna bring you to show and tell
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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