I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
