Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
