I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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