if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
