The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Randomize
