Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
