Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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