u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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