i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
