Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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