how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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