i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
