But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Drunk is not a location!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
