dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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