So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
