Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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