we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Operation Purity has been aborted
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
