I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
