I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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