I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
