hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
