it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
