so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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