after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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