sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
