All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
