Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
