i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
