He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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