maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
