just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
