You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
No stitches, just platelets and will power
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
