You're my little dorito
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
