She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
