You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
