Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
