$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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