Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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