Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize