i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
