Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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