He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
