hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
