my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
