Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
